Truths On Trying Days
Good morning. It’s exceedingly early to be awake on a Sunday. I have so many thoughts in my head that it’s literally overflowing to the point where I’m unable to sleep as well as fighting a migraine. Most of my blogs that I write are educational and informative. Seldom do they consist of just speaking my thoughts. The goal for my blog posts are to help others and to be a source of inspiration for those who may be struggling. I realize that some days will be harder to carry out that goal, but I pray that you guys will bear with me while I try to get through those tough days.
I’ve been working on something big. I can’t remember, honestly, if I’ve already made this clear, but this reason explains why you’ve not seen much activity on Strengthening the Muscle of Faith. In addition to my goal to help others, the most important achievement I hope to make is being a disciple for Christ and letting God shine through me.
I had a long chat with the Heavenly Father yesterday evening while I was driving home and I told Him about my plans (despite the fact that He already knows what they are). Additionally, I expressed that I wanted His will to be done whatever the outcome, but I pray that what I’m trying to do will not only help others, but better serve Him. So, what am I referring to?
I’m working very hard on making Strengthening the Muscle of Faith into a career. Being on medical leave and unable to work is eating at my soul. I’m a worker, and I wish to work and make money for myself. God blessed me with the gift of writing. I have a passion for it and if I can help others in addition to serving God, then it’s absolutely perfect. I’ve been working on designing my very own website that I own as well as adding on the option to sell future merchandise which combines God and various chronic illness awareness. My hope is that those who have illnesses not highly known about will be given awareness as well as giving God the awareness He deserves.
Saying this, I’ve been working from about 6am to 3pm each day designing the website, and getting all the copyright documentation complete in order for all my work to be protected and fully owned. This is a first for me, and I’m so very blessed and excited to have been given this opportunity to try. I’ve learned during my 27 years of life that despite being afraid of failure, it’s not possible to succeed unless you try. Things, in this world, are rarely given to you without effort. Despite being sick and waking up with pain, it’s important to just try…even if the only thing accomplished of a day is getting out of bed and showering.
I’ve said this before as well: being chronically ill increases the risk for developing depression. Right after I was released from the ICU and was able to start walking and doing things on my own, I noticed that my thoughts were becoming darker and darker. It got to the point where I had my entire suicide planned out, the time, the place, the act, everything. It didn’t matter where I was, I was even thinking about these details during a church service! I was so ashamed and upset that those demons were brave enough to invade my mind while I was trying to receive the Word of God. They are very bold and they only wished and wish to destroy me.
I knew something had to be done, so skipping ahead, I decided to attempt group therapy and wasn’t thrilled about this at all because I’m a bit of an extreme introvert. I don’t like to socialize with others much unless I know them personally. However, I wanted to change that. In order to help others, I wanted to be more open and willing to accept those who I don’t know. As a Christian woman, it’s my responsibility to love others just as God loves them. I won’t lie to you at all, this goal is extremely difficult, especially on painful days.
When I wake up, like I have today, with pain or a migraine, I’m not a very pleasant person. I’m very distant and moody, and any extra effort required to show kindness gets shoved on the back burner. This is not the Christian I wish to portray. So, I pray about it and I’m learning to trust in God more that He will fix everything. This includes helping my goal with this blog be successful.
I realize that I’m jumping around a bit this morning, and I apologize for that. As I said, too many thoughts are racing around my head and I felt like today, since I’m fighting lack of sleep and a migraine, I can speak to you guys about it. I know some of you have experienced days like this where you’re moody from the pain you’re experiencing, when your mind is crammed with thoughts and stress, and finally any reflections and future goals you hope to make.
I’m wanting to be relatable to you as well. I don’t want to simply get on here and give you information that you could just Google, or only post on good days. No. I want to express truth on the good AND bad days. I want to show you that Christians are not people that go around and attempt to thump you on the head with a Bible. Nope–we struggle too. We’re not perfect and we make some pretty crappy mistakes. We’re no better than anyone else. A non-believer should be able to see God through our actions and behaviors, but we won’t be successful with this all the time.
I am still learning that just because I’m a Christian, this doesn’t mean I’m exempt from pain and suffering. Jesus was the Son of God and He endured an incredible amount of suffering for our sake because He loves us. I want to be like Him and be able to endure through the pain, the stress, and the challenges that life forces me to face for the greater good.
I feel like I may be talking a bit too much, but I want to hear more from you guys. What are your thoughts on trying days? How do you handle them and how do you react to others during days of pain? Can you relate to anything I have spoken about? What are your agreements and disagreements?
I’m eager to hear from you on these topics! Shoot me a comment or email me!
Thanks for joining me this morning, and I pray you all have a blessed day!
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